Tuesday, 10 June 2014

How am I going to leave him?

As I sat watching Osian play today, I had this overwhelming sadness. It was a moment that would usually be a happy one. Osian was giggling away whilst banging his toy on the floor, but I just had a horrible feeling realising how much I'm going to miss him - he will be going to Nursery full time in September. To get him used to being there he will be going for half a day in a few weeks time. Then maybe increase it in August to a full day or two half days. 

We've never really had much time apart from each other. I've popped to the shop, been to a dentist appointment and he's been taken on short walks without me, but that's it really. The rest of the time I've either been taking care of him or we have at least been in the same house. 

Although I know that I will be leaving him to finish my degree, which will hopefully help provide us all with a better future. I just can't help but want to stay with him. I really can't imagine dropping him off at nursery and having to leave. We have found a lovely nursery, but after me spending everyday of his life taking care of him, how am I suppose to leave him with someone else watching him? It feels like it's my job and I want to be the one who's there. 

I am not looking forward to September at all. I know it sounds like I'm doubting going back, but I'm not. I will definitely be sat in my lectures in September, I'm just really dreading it! I really hope it isn't going to be as hard as I'm imagining.

Has anyone who's had to leave their baby to return to work/uni or anything got ANY tips how to make this easier?



#BabyBabble
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21 comments:

  1. I know how hard it must be. My twins are 2 and I can't bear the thought of putting them into nursery. We've tried on two occasions, but when it came down to it, I backed out. I hate the thought of leaving them with strangers. Luckily my dad has them one day and my husband the other (I only work 2 days), but I dread when they go to school! It'll be hard, but you'll get used to it and I guess the younger you do it the more used to it he'll be as he gets older. Good luck with your degree xx

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    1. I don't blame you for backing out. That's handy, my Mum's got Mondays off work and has offered to have him for that day, but he will still have to go 4 days a week :( I'm hoping I'll get used to it, as will you when they start school, think it's going to be a big initial shock though. Thank you :) xx

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  2. I have to do this in November and I wish there was a way that I didn't have to. I think the way to look at it, is that the time you will spend together will be even more special.

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    1. That's true, will just have to try our best to keep that in mind!

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  3. I went back to work when carson was 6 months old. Daddy was a sah parent and it was one of my biggest regrets. I resented daddy for him witnessing his first crawl, walk, proper word etc etc. This made it a LOT easier for when he started nursery full time at 14 months. The only tip I could give is to try and remember that your doing your degree to better yourself for him and his life. That's how I thought when he was at nursery and I was working full time.
    Thanks for linking to #babybabble :)
    Carsonsmummy.blogspot.co.uk xz

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    1. I think I would feel the same way. I would try not too, but don't think I could help it. At least it was an easier adjustment for you and thank you :) xx

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  4. its a big step and sometimes you need to make a choice, we are still yet to have our baby and i keep thinking when nursery time will come for us

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    1. It is a big step and a hard decision, but at least I know it's for the best. Hopefully it will come at a time you feel ready for it x

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  5. Oh bless you! It sounds so hard but you're right that you're doing the best thing for both of your futures and you should be so proud of yourself! Just keep thinking you're doing it for him and he'd be proud as well :) xx

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  6. On my first day back at work after maternity leave, it got to our bear's snack time, I went to grab her changing bag which wasn't there... and then I sobbed. I sat in an all male office and sobbed my heart out. Unshamedly! It made me feel a whole lot better. When I picked our bear up and heard what she'd been doing, I felt even better. Over time, the guilt disappeared and the love grew and grew. Cliched perhaps, but true. Our bear has absolutely and completely thrived in childcare. Looking back, hubby and I both agree that it was the best thing for all of us - to return to work and get closer to cutting that umbilical cord... It IS hard at first. BUT it WILL get easier. Hang in there. Just remember that you'll both be better for it in the long-run x #ShareWithMe

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  7. I'm hoping to return to my social work degree this September but my youngest is 6 so I'm afraid I do not really have any useful advise. I know how you feel though as like I said, my youngest is 6 and in full time school but I am still really worrying that I will not be spending enough quality time with her! :-) #sharewithme xx

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  8. I can relate as Missy Moo will be in nursery starting September too! And I am so nervous for it. While yes I have Buba and he went when he was 1 years old and was fine. But it's always hard to let them go and learn and social and be independent of mommy. I hope it goes all smoothly for you and in a short while it will get into a routine and be great for everyone. Good luck hunny. thanks for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

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  9. If you can try and organise someone to have him now, in small steps, perhaps for an hour at a time it may make it easier for you in September. I would also plan something nice for you both to look forward to after the first day. #PoLoCo

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  10. I cant really imagine doing that before. Even when he started pre=school its hard. Just use the time you have together to do something special. Its hard I know but its reality and like what you said its for his future. #pocolo

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  11. I wish I could say something to help, I went through the same emotions and ultimately decided to stay at home instead. This is a different situation though as it is you going back to finish your degree, which is fantastic! I am sure osian will have a wonderful time at nursery and he will learn so much. I have no doubt it will be hard but keep in mind why you're doing it and try not to feel guilty! Xx

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  12. Oh poor you, I really feel for you. It must be so difficult, I went through these feelings and now our circumstances have changed and she doesn't have to be away from me. I know I couldn't do it, it would make me miserable. I hope things work out for you xx

    http://www.youbabymemummy.com

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  13. I left my son when he was 13 months to go back to work & went back to do my degree three months after. Everyone says it - but it's so much harder for you! And it's true. I have to say I was lucky that my mom had DS when I went back but at 3 we started him at nursery & it was the best thing I've ever done. His confidence and social skills came on in leaps and bounds. It's hard to let go but you're supporting him in your career. And even SAHM have guilt that they're her exposing themselves to their babies. We just beat ourselves up too much! xx

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  14. It's so hard, isn't it. I am going back to work on Wednesday this week and feel exactly the same. I found it difficult to hand over my eldest to a childminder when she was 9 months old and blubbed all the way to my new job and I will probably do the same this time even though I know my baby will be fine just like her big sister was. Just try to focus on your studies...it will get easier.

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  15. thanks for joining up to the new #mummymonday :) if you could please add the #mummymonday badge that would be great just so others know where you linked up too! I know it is hard, but in all honesty you will enjoy having some time to yourself. I have been in and out of work since C was little (now 3.5) and I am finally settled at home for now but starting to plan a future career for eventually when I am ready! mummy bloggers team x

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  16. I'm having to go back too and it saddens me to think about it too, I have to keep reminding myself it's got their good, so we can do the things in life that I wsnt her to do and experience etc! Xx

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