Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Does your age define your parenting?

I do not believe somebody's age defines them as a parent. I believe someone's personality does, not how many years old they are.

Being a young Mum I know a lot about how we get judged, I'm constantly getting dirty looks when I'm out and about with my son. I try not let it bother me, I don't want something so petty ruining whatever I'm doing. If I'm honest it does occasionally get to me, it can make me feel quite uncomfortable, what gives a random person the right to make me feel like this? It's my life and my decisions and I do not see how they have any right to judge me. Also I'm sure if we went back a few generations a lot of women would have had babies at 19.

Surley it's an individuals attitude and approach to life that defines what type of parent they are - not if their age ends in teens or early 20s?

I can't count the amount of times I've heard people say how young parents dump their children on the grandparents so they can go and get drunk. I have not had a single night away from my son, with the simple reason I don't want to be apart from him. Even if I had a night or two to myself for a catch up with friends or a date night, would it be a problem? If I turned to my parents as a babysitters would I be dumping my child? If I was ten years older would it just be seen as just having a break... A lot of people I know used to love having a sleepover in their Grandparents' house, it could be a weekly thing, so how do people know that it isn't the child who's asked to go and the parents then use that time they would be away from their child to go out?

Another one I often hear is 'they just get pregnant to get a house' um if someone has it in them to have a child purely for the purpose to get a house why would it just be a teenager, why wouldn't it be an older women too? Why don't they say 'some women have babies just to get a house', rather than 'teenage mums just get pregnant to get a house'. In all honesty I can't imagine someone thinking 'ooh I think I'll get pregnant today and have a baby so I can get a house' but who knows the world baffles me sometimes.

Another thing people assume is that I'm stupid. Why on earth did a doctor feel the need to go outside the hospital to tell my mum some simple information that we understood perfectly? I think we knew what she meant when she was saying to put an extra blanket on our son because his temperature was a few points of a degrees lower than what they liked. For first time parents it's a pretty simple mistake to make considering we get it drummed into us to not let a baby overheat.

My child is loved, fed, clean, kept warm and well cared for. So yes, I may be a young parent, but it sure as hell doesn't make me a bad one.

It's not just the younger mums who seem to get judged as some people seem to judge women who choose to have their children later in life, it's not uncommon for women in their 40s to start a family. Is this a problem? No. What gives anyone the right to judge a parent who has decided to have a child later in life?

There is no such thing as a perfect parent, but even if there was someone would find something about them to judge.



I'm not usually this much of a ranty person, but sometimes I need to just write it all down to make myself feel better.



Binky Linky

17 comments:

  1. You obviously care deeply for your son and that is all that matters and all your son cares about. People like to make stupid judgements about different things all the time because it makes them feel better about themselves. Just continue doing the great job your doing! Non of us are perfect :) but that's life. We all have to live and learn. Just be true to yourself and ignore people's ideals x

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  2. Parenting shouldn't be defined by age. I know of plenty of older mums who have struggled and plenty of younger mums who are doing a fantastic job., I was 25 when I had our first which I felt was a good age for me personally! Thanks for linking to #binkylinky x

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    1. Exactly! I'm glad you were an age that was good for you :) everyone's situation is different, so everyone's going to be a different age when they become parents x

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  3. I'm a young parent too! Think we may have talked before :) I find that I don't notice people looking at me as much as I thought they were in the beginning maybe thats because I don't really care anymore! I think it is important to get a night off or whatever but that is nothing to do with age that is something that I believe every parent needs! Sounds like your doing a wonderful job :)

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    1. I think we have :) I'm sure I've read your blog a few times. I've stopped noticing now too (really late at replying to these comments) not sure if it just doesn't happen anymore or if I don't really care either! thank you :) xx

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  4. Loving Life with Little Ones- I agree with you, age isn't everything. There is a whole lot more to parenting than your age. #binkylinky

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  5. For some reason it seems to be human nature to criticize. I'm sure you're an excellent mother, purely because you love your child, age is no factor. As you say, in generations in the past it was common to have a child as a teenager. I hope you can ignore those that are finding fault and focus on those who love you. #binkylinky

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    1. I know, people seem to criticize whatever another person does. Thank you :) x

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  6. I am considered quite old (in my country at least) when I got pregnant with my son. 35. Some people in my country get pregnant really early (14) and imagine how old I am to their eyes.

    Saying this, would I consider myself to be a great mother? Not really. I am struggling. There are so many things that I don't know and I would want help. I am far from my mother and I would want my mother to be there to guide me just in case I made a booboo.

    But I get expectations from people who knows me (not necessarily friends) who would say their comments about my parenting. Its not very nice those comments. It hurts.

    So your post is right. Its not the age but the person. And yes people wont stop criticizing sadly =(

    #binkylinky

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    1. I wouldn't call you old :) Sorry to hear about the comments, I'm sure your doing better than you think. I read your blog and your son always looks happy! You must be doing something right :) x

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  7. I was a young mum and I wish with my first son I had as mush confidence as you and hadn't let the looks put me off.

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    1. I know this post makes me sound confident but I'm really not. I feel quite comfortable when the funny looks happen :(

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  8. Have just discovered your blog via Google+! I was also a young mother, I was 18 when my daughter was born & experienced the same looks as you as well as a few snide comments. Just keep doing what your're doing now, from the sounds of it you have the hang of things!

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  9. I completely get how you feel. I become a Mum at 19 and there was a lot of people who looked down their nose at me. I feel like I have done just as good a job as those 30 something mothers and it's terrible for them to just assume I wouldn't be good enough because of my age!

    Great post and thanks for linking up to #TBTL

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