Monday, 10 February 2014

Worry

I miss being pregnant.
There I said it! During the last few weeks I was so uncomfortable, fed up and hardly sleeping you couldn't have convinced me that I'd ever say those words. But it's true I really miss being pregnant. I miss the feeling of my baby kicking away inside my belly and I miss my bump!

I think I'm feeling like this because I seemed to spend most of my pregnancy worrying, and I wish I could go back and enjoy my pregnancy and tell myself to just stop it, but it wasn't that simple, I tried to stop but I just couldn't seem to make myself do it. I don't even know why I did it so much, I just seemed to convince myself there was something wrong and would just worry. I was excited but the feeling of worrying overclouded that. I wasn't worried about labour in the slightest, I wasn't really that worried about life once my baby arrived, I wasn't worried about money. I was just worried about my baby inside, always thinking something was wrong. It was mostly when I was alone I'd feel this way. Being with someone would take my mind off it. Speaking about baby related things would get me quite excited. Buying baby things would also get me quite excited, although we didn't buy much because we had luckily been given a lot of things.

I didn't really speak about how I felt, I've never really liked to talk about how I feel at the time, but now it's the past I don't mind opening up about it. I think after writing this I will feel better and that I just need to let it all out and move on from it.
I don't really have much regret and I don't like to dwell on the past, but I do regret not enjoying my pregnancy as much as I should have, is quite a big regret, but I just couldn't help it.
Luckily the worrying did stop at the very end, in the last few weeks I think I was ok, but at this point I was exhausted and so uncomfortable it felt too late to enjoy my pregnancy.
Weirdly I never once worried about labour and I was quite calm whilst I was in labour, which I am very glad about.
Ever since I seem fine.I do still worry sometimes, but just a bit, I think it is a normal healthy amount.


So that's why I miss being pregnant, I wish I could go back knowing what I know now, I absolutely love having my son with me here now, I just wish I had spent my pregnancy differently. I now tell myself that life is way too short to spend it worrying!

4 comments:

  1. awrhh i think being pregnant is very scary dont think you are alone, i was so poorly through mine so didnt enjoy my second pregnancy and wanted it over!! now shes three months and its flying xxxx

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    1. awww, I wasn't too bad with sickness! Mine's nearly 4 months now :) xxxx

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  2. Was really comforting to read this. I've been really worried too ever since I found out I was pregnant. Like you, just about the baby and whether it is OK and healthy. Completely not stressed about giving birth...yet! I've started to relax a bit now that my scan and blood tests seem fine so far and I can start to notice my belly grow. :) I guess it's just normal as u take that responsibility for their life the minute they start growing inside you. I hope you feel better after writing about your feelings and thanks for sharing! Xx

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    1. I'm glad you found it comforting. I used to look forward to midwife appointments so I could hear his heartbeat and know he was ok. I think it really helped me not stressing about giving birth because I was so calm about it when I went into labour!
      I suppose so, I hadnt thought of it like that, but it makes a lot of sense!
      Thank you, and it really has helped xx

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